all around me.

to my

left... front... and right.

listening to fleet foxes pandora station.

heaven.

submitting target survey's to win $5000 gift certificate.

(that would be spent in one shopping trip)

fixing and resubmitting a nursing careplan.

(die careplans. die.)

figuring out how to make $2000 in one month

without being able to work... hmm?

drinking coffee or else I'll be asleep in 5 minutes.

watching my baby girl play with her newly organized toys,

and listening to her adorable made up songs and

"play" voices.

thinking of my dear sweet mom-mom who passed away

one year ago today.

I miss her thoughtfulness, her unconditional love.

I miss her so so much.

today at target

I restrained myself BIG TIME.

3 items? that's unheard of!

This warm spring air has gotten to me.

The bin is to give me some closet space,

and for keeping a few sweaters safe this Spring and Summer.

I cannot resist the powers of the almighty,

Martha Stewart.

A little Lavender planter!

I was itching to purchase every packet of seed

and big beautiful planter and an adorable water can and matching garden boots!

But nursing school + barely being able to work =

no money.

It's okay my mom will be off the month of april from her nursing school.

And I will be working as much as possible, while she watches Ella.

(right mom? thanks!)

But I won't really get to spend that precious money at target either

because Ryan and I want to move by June 1st. July the LATEST.

Eeeee. So excited!

We are in such a different place then we were 2 years ago.

I am really happy.

We still have our problems but I think now the difference is

We don't want to fail. We want to be together.

We need to.

We want to make it work.

We have to.

There is no out.

It's hard when you've been together

since you we 19 and 20.

There is a lot of growing up to do.

We've grown at different paces and took some time to think it through.

And now... we're ready.

I love my little family.

I can't wait until nursing school is over,

so maybe our family can increase in size

;)

still working on him with that.

I have a year to wear him down.

Time to shower before I have to pick up

Ella from preschool, I'm sorry

"PRE- K!"

as she likes to correct, everyone.

coming up for air.

I have been so wrapped up in school, work, schedules I haven't had any time to think!

I need to blog more because life's beautiful moments are slipping by so easily, and I have nothing

to show for it. Except some iphone pictures and text conversations, to look back on.

I am a thinker. I am so engrossed in what is going on and what I want to happen I forget what

just passed me by. I literally blinked and my daughter is five years old.

5!!!

I struggle daily with feeling like an adequate mother when I still live (well- moved back) home and won't be an RN for another year. I just don't feel whole.

Plus my fingers itch to rob Target blind ....(with my money.... so maybe they are the robbers?) for bathroom towels and shower curtains, pretty platters, and mugs to add to my collection, decorative wreaths, silly framed art, end table nick-knacks. I want to be layering and creating my home. Ella's home. And instead I'm tripping over toys in my tiny bedroom. It's very disheartening.

I need to give myself credit. We are planning on moving very soon. June/July. Before my baby starts kindergarten. But I guess I am just anxious for it excited and suddenly I feel out of breath and I need to get to the finish line now. Well the finish line of this chapter.

We have learned a lot. We have gone through so much Ryan and I. I hope we make it. The odds aren't the best but who really looks at numbers anyway?

I'm betting on us.

Top 12.

goals for this year. in no particular order.

12. Stay active. Excersize at least 3x a week.

11. Read ahead and on time for school. Don't play catch up the week of my exam.

10. Only keep 1 planner- not 4. doh!

09. PRACTICE PATIENCE.

08. Be happy. Happiness is a choice and not always the easiest one.

07. Don't plan the months away. Try and live in the moment more.

06. Accept people for who they are and love them for that.

05. MOVE :)

04. Try and save money for longer then a week. oops.

03. Do not stress about next Christmas so that you can't even enjoy it!

02. Be more thoughtful about the food I nourish my body and my child's with.

01. Enjoy this time of struggle and uncertainty. It's invigorating and strengthening.

m.

distracted.

I'm trying to get a start on nursing homework.

But I'm exhausted from working 7-3 today.

8 hours in a room with 2 severely confused patients,

is mentally and physically exhausting.

Plus it was my first day back to work from four days of

Vacation/ Christmas Hell.

Yikes that's a bit blasphemous isn't it?

And oh yeah- being in my warm comfy bed with Lion King on the TV

isnt really conducive to reading 100 pages of a 15 pound text book.

Wow. Talk about excuses!

There's always tomorrow.

Now it's time to cuddle this girl:

need not want.

26th

us:

26 year old mama.

almost 5 year old baby (?) girl.

nursing school.

prekindergarden.

special guest:

baby daddy/boyfriend.

love. hate. love.

history:

brokeup. moved home. made up. moving out.

purpose:

vent. obsess. share.